A Couple's First Year Devotions by Robert A. Ratcliff

Without a strong friendship in your relationship, not only will you see a decline in your satisfaction, but your relationship will likely have difficulty weathering the storms that may lie ahead. What can you do to help maintain your relationship? The first step is to learn to build the friendship with your partner. The father typically experiences the same decrease in relationship satisfaction, but it begins late in the first year and continues through the end of the second year. John Gottman found that new mothers experience a precipitous drop in relationship satisfaction starting about four to six months after their first baby is born and continuing through the end of the first year.

A 2003 analysis of approximately 90 studies looking at marriage showed that after the first baby’s birth, the drop in marital satisfaction is 42 percent greater among the current generation of parents as compared to their own parents. Doing so can create small changes and can help couples find satisfaction in their relationship and in turn, will create a solid relationship upon which to build a family structure. They might laugh and say, “I know this is a busy time and we both just need sleep, but I really look forward to being more intimate again once we have settled into a routine.” Partners acknowledge and care for each other’s needs over time, thus reducing conflict.Ĭouples need to learn tools for maintaining their relationship after baby. However, couples who keep the magic going are successful because they find ways to acknowledge the discrepancy. This means that a couple’s needs may temporarily be greater in one area (physical: sleep!) than in other areas. Research shows that the focus of the relationship is mostly - if not completely - on the baby during this transitional time. All of these changes are perfectly normal - but if we are honest with ourselves (and with each other), we may admit that these aren’t the changes we expected parenthood to bring. Why? We know from research that becoming parents can increase stresses and strains, alter values and goals, shift roles, diminish communication, and increase hostility. Research done by the Bringing Baby Home Program shows that for 67 percent of new parents, becoming a parent causes decreased happiness and relationship satisfaction.

For others, it is a time of anticipation, anxiety, and fear. We know all the right questions to ask when a baby is born: How much did she weigh? What time was he born? Who does she look like? Is he healthy?īut there is one important question that rarely gets asked when couples make the transition to parenthood: How is the relationship between the two of you? For many couples, the transition to parenthood is a time of great possibility and hope.

A Couple's First Year Devotions by Robert A. Ratcliff